Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Man, you weigh a freaking ton," he told me. "What've you been eating, rocks?" "Why, is your head missing some?" I croaked. His mouth almost quirked in a smile, and that's when I knew how upset he'd been
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.
Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.
Reality continues to ruin my life.