Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.
Headline?" he asked. "'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said. "'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said. "'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.
If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.
I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.
It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them.