Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say, "I'm gonna go shave, too."
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the f*ck's really goin' on down there? Who is the real hero?
On a stop light green means go, red means stop and yellow means slow down, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means "hold on", yellow means "go ahead", and red means "where the f*ck did you get that banana at?"
You know when it comes to racism, people say: "I don't care if they're black, white, purple or green." Woah, hold on now! Purple or green? You gotta draw the line somewhere! To hell with purple people! - Unless they're suffocating - then help'em.