I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.
From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.
I opened-up a yoghurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yoghurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
If you're not strange, you're not weird. If you're not weird, you're not funny. if you're not funny, you're boring. And who wants to be boring?
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.